Once more unto the breach, dear friends!
Okay, so I’m about done with politics. Here, though, is how Remain should have won the campaign – facts followed by the soundbite ‘Get Real, Idiots’. Example:
“We can negotiate trade deals with other countries outside the EU, Take Back Control!” “With 20 trade negotiators, at best estimate because that shit was dealt with by the EU, and with countries far bigger, occasionally richer, and often envious of our economy? I’m sure they would do us a real good deal! Get Real, Idiots.”
“Leave the EU bureacraxy behind, Take Back Control!” “Oh yeah, 40 years of EU involvement in our law-making, with a different legal system in Scotland and the rUK, will take one guy a week to undo? You guys sure know how to make new jobs! For bureaucrats and lawyers. Get Real, Idiots.”
“We will reduce immigration to reasonable levels, Take Back Control!” “Oh yeah, when France ends border control cooperation? Maybe if you sink the value of the pound, nobody will want to migrate! Great solutions, guys. Get Real, Idiots.”
“Get rid of a bunch of unelected officials in Brussels, Take Back Control!” “Replace them with the hundreds of unelected civil servants required to rework every law and the hundreds of trade negotiators we’ll need, all of them junior and walked all over by diplomats around the world? You guys are great at symmetry! Get Real, Idiots.”
“Regain sovereignty for Westminster, more money for the NHS, a BRITISH Bill of Human Rights, Take Back Control!” “Oh, so you want guys who want to privatise everything, gut the NHS, spy on you and your neighbours legally, destroy the BBC and all public services, and feather their family and their mate’s nests with whatever cash they can get away with, full control of your life? You guys are brilliant. Get Real, Idiots.”
Frankly, I think it’s flawless. I’d find this whole thing utterly hilarious if it didn’t have such an impact on people I love. They are going to end up with less employment protection, an uncertain economy for years, rising food prices, more hate crimes reported across the UK, and, in a supreme irony of a democratic referendum, an unelected Prime Minister come October.
Does my refrain sound any clearer?