Shock as Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour Secures Victory

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Financial markets have been left reeling as Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour wins the election. Theresa May called to congratulate Corbyn as his party secured 45% of the vote by hoovering up seats across England. The result comes against a backdrop of polls tightening, but with none showing Labour ahead.

“This isn’t just an upset like Brexit or Trump, we had the numbers to show them, if you looked hard enough.” Said one pollster under condition of anonymity. “This is a polar shift, a sea change. This is an astronomical difference, it defies political physics. This is Newton being hit by an apple which then jumps up and hits him again, repeatedly.”

The result means that Labour comes out with 294 seats to the Conservatives 278. It is believed Mr Corbyn will go to Buckingham Palace to ask the Queen for permission to lead a minority government. The SNP returned 51 seats and have agreed to a confidence and supply deal in return for a second independence referendum. The loss means 5 years out of power for the Conservatives and the fate of Theresa May is clear.

“Of course, one must take these kind of things in one’s stride if one wants to be a politician.” Said Michael Gove immediately after the result was in, “Yes, some may be ‘livid’ as the papers have been saying this morning, but for others this is an opportunity for reflection and for growth. Some may say that May should hav won this election against the Marxist, IRA supporting, pacifist, or maybe that she should not have called it in the first place. Or maybe running a personality contest without personality is he issue. But such things are not worth discussing right now.

“The point is that we must be aware for future, regroup, and win in 2020 to secure strong and stable government in the years to come.”

EDIT – I wrote this in the 5th of June, if you’re wondering why the numbers are off. Pretty close though, right?

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