Why Donald Trump Must Be Given a State Visit to the UK


We’re past the threshold of normalising Donald Trump, he has been inaugurated, his name has appeared next to the words ‘The President of the United States of America’ too often to easily ignore and resistance grows by the day and with each decision his administration makes, so here are three reasons Donald Trump must be permitted a state visit to the United Kingdom.

3. The Great British Public

The Great British People deserve to see the man. Additionally, he deserves to see the Great British public.

At least 100 000 people attended the Women’s March in he UK, going off the numbers reported in London by the organisers plus the numbers of the many marches in the rest of the UK. These people evidently have many things to say about Mr. Trump, and isn’t that freedom of speech to be respected? Doesn’t Theresa May, our Prime Minister who made such a great deal with Trump, deserve the adoration of those crowds?

In fact, it seems like entire cities could shut down in adoration of those two Colosses of the world stage. That would certainly prick up the ears of the metropolitan elite, and I’m sure businesses supportive of them wouldn’t mind the chanting, surely in praise.

2. The Monarchy

The Monarchy is an institution supported by 75% of the population according to Ipsos MORI, with 17% supporting a Republic and 7% not sure or not particularly fussed. Mr. Trimp’s visit could unite these two factions quite easily.

For Republicans (UK context, not US), it shows the Queen earning her keep and entertaining a foreign world leader as is her constitutional duty. For Monarchists, it is a chance for the Queen to show off the UK to an important ally and let him know what the nation thinks of him. Surely such tests are necessary for the Head of State?

In addition…

1. Prince Philip

By far and away the most important reason to invite Mr. Trump to Buckingham Palace, the Prince Consort of the UK is known for making off-colour remarks that have been known to offend people. I hope the same will not be true when he meets Mr. Trump of course, but one can so rarely tell.

I’m sure we’d all hate for some diplomatic fracas to occur over one of the Prince’s trademark phrases: ‘ghastly’.

People the world over should be thrilled to test Mr. Trump’s diplomatic ability against the Royal Family, to test the sturdiness of May’s diplomacy, and witness the reaction of the Great British Public to the businessman.

This Time is Different



This time it will be different.

We hear the cries of people saying
Hope is dead. The End is nigh.
But we won’t listen to them.

For once, the path is clearing up
As old certainties drift apart.
The new way forward breaks the debris
From the countless insurrections, we have seen
The only alternative is right.
All the clever types are telling us.

A movement of hope against a project fear
There can be no question who will win between
Such choices. My mind is made already,
It is simple: cut or work out how to make

Life work. The way ahead is easy.
It has been the culmination of a group’s
Progress against the backdrop of a crash.
Thoughts like theirs caused the mess, we bring
Better ideas. Let us convince you

This time it will be different.

Brexit Poem

The consequence clear, I’ve called and I’ve checked it,

The people have gone out their way and they’ve wrecked it!

And no one is quite sure just how far to test it –

The English went out and the voted for Brexit.

Now Sterling has fallen, straight down to the floor,

It may yet fall further, it hasn’t yet landed;

It fell, and it dropped, and it’s falling some more.

It’s unprecedented, no one understands it.

In a final retread

Some have tried to fix it

But they’ve shit the bed!

They’ve gone and they’ve bricked it.

So, the old all went out, and they voted for Brexit.

Now Scotland wants free – a sexy ass Sexit.

Is Czexit or even Hungrexit to follow?

Drink up, for now there will be no tomorrow!

The Most Perfect Response to Perfect Responses

We have seen the most defining moments upon defining moments that anygwneration had seen since Adolf Hitler took power, but this is something else entirely!

in a bizarre flood of everyone speaking truthfully and correctly – with appropriate wit, humour, and charm –  the syntax Perfect, the medium and message in beautiful alignment… The most perfect responses ever given to anything!

Watch This Five-Year Old Destroy Racism!

Watch This World Leader’s Spark a Revolution!

Watch This Guy’s Perfect Response to Perfect Responses!

It’s all such bollocks.

Five-year olds may say some very clever things, beyond their experience, and towards some deeper truth. This, I own, is incredible and worth our universal commendation. But to see a five-year old destroy an entrenched system of privilege, which for years plagued academia, science, culture, day-to-day conversation, comedy, and art? Give me a break.

A five-year old said something you agree with, no need to get on some very high horse about how children are somehow omniscient creatures now. Are they omniscient when they say that the moon is made of cheese and it’s only rainy in the puddles?

Or if a world leader says something you think is laudable. They stand for something and they make their case. In driving. Pounding hard. Strongly worded. Deep seated. No-hold’s-barring. High-flying. Speeches?

Oh, so just like they have been trying to do for years but in this one instance they have managed to strike a chord you can agree sound a like a happy G-major! Well done. Have you considered their actions? Those actions, which are often anathema to your core beliefs about the Right and Wrong of this world. These politicians who will talk shit about something only so far as I think is not politically relevant to their particular sphere but then come back hypocritically begging the second it is of any use to them.

Behind closed doors, the strings they’ve got to manipulate. You better not pull that thread. They are dangerous people.

See, the internet has somehow made us all immune to actually reading stuff and thinking about what it may actually mean. Sometimes we take things too greatly at face value and sometimes we just discount it because it doesn’t fit with our feelings for it to be false. You know what? I’m kind of tired of clickbait titled articles and misnomer headlines leading us down rabbit holes which drive up our hopes and further degrade our expectations of anything reliable coming from anyone.

Authenticity is a crapshoot that won’t get us nearly enough likes of shares to make it worth our while so we are all left screaming into some obsolescent void which it turns out is already filled.

And you know what it is filled with? Hundreds of articles and videos which are titled with people saying their view is right and justified by something, but who must deep down know they are peddling nonsense for Ad hungry clicks. So, if you see something peddling perfection, look to see who is taking your wallet. What’s the source and has it been reliable to you before.

My always solution to every societal problem I’ve ever come across is simple. It goes thus: people need to be better.

Stop clicking around and do it!

Change and Chaos

This post contains 3 parts. If any part does not interest you, feel free to jog along and catch the others instead. The first is a poem, the second is about the current political state, and the third is a financial opportunity that may be worth some attention. There is something of a link.
Section I

The world is fucked, but so am I.
It spins, some win, some lose, and why
Commingling guilt and pleasure, high
Expectations make us comply
With regulation, then we die
Again. We persevere and try
To respect the truth and lies
In equal measure – man, alive! –
Because we see the ends to tie
It all together. Brains are fried
When all is done and conquered by
Irritating, annoying guys
On Glory’s path who go awry.
The world is fucked, but so am I.
Section II

Thank the heavens politics has become honest. Only some joke intended.

On the UStateside of the Atlantic, they are deciding between an actual villain and a politician for the highest office of the land. Oddly enough, some are keen to say they are both politicians and some are keen to say they are both villains. Hard to agree with the latter category as one of them is supported by racists and the alt-right, some of whom literally call themselves fascists. The mind boggles at how close they became in the polls at one point, though now they are diverging and the politician is on the up. Hopefully it continues and there can be one piece of good news for the world this year, even if that good news is just that the objectively worse person lost. American Revolution 2 would not go amiss, however, if that’s the best they can do. We all like sequels and reboots these days, so I think it has some chance.

Meanwhile, on the Old World side of the Atlantic, the Great British public, or at least the 52% known as Brexiters, are doing their best to send the nation along a very murky path. The most recent conference has Theresa May, the second female Prime minister, and substantially colder than the first one, claiming human rights lawyers are the enemy, and that the UK is being bossed around by elites. She’s damn right about the latter part. She’s in charge of a cadre of the richest, corruptest, powerfulest, scumbaggiest, self-servingiest, people in the U.K. Got to love a bit of honesty. She even went out and targeted human rights lawyers, a clear indication that she’s the villain of this particular piece. Every moral person on the planet should hold the maintenance of human rights as the highest aim of any one of us who call this place home. So glad she has identified herself as some sort of reptilian.

I hope there can be some unity among the non-horrible people to bring the elites of the Tory Party down. It’s bad enough that the PM is targeting humans rights lawyers, but then we have the Home Secretary borrowing some very questionable rhetoric and demanding lists of foreigners. Name me one good person who keeps list of people, I dare you.

And the Great British Public are somewhat more supportive of this than they are opposed. It’s all just the worst.

In other news, the currency continues on he way down, a nice kick in the teeth for the Morons who were talking a fortnight ago about a post-Brexit bounce as a possibility. If it is a possibility, it’s not coming anytime soon. In fact, the pound is set to fall to parity with the Euro and herein lies opportunity.
Section III

Ask any investment manager and they will say it’s a great thing to have a diverse portfolio – you don’t want to keep all your money in one place or one material or a sudden shock there and you fall. If you want examples of non-diverse collapse, consider the fall of the Russian rouble in 2014. Sanctions and a falling price of oil lead to a huge drop in it’s value against other world currencies. They had to resort to liquidating a huge proportion of their foreign currency reserves to stay afloat. It’s a very bad idea to be tied to one thing, as they were tied to oil. Similarly, it’s an awful idea to have all your money in GBP.

If you want evidence of the difficulty in maintaining your savings in pounds, examine the difference in the value of your savings now and at the rate four years ago. It is a very good idea to keep your money diverse, even if it’s something like just buying a stack of foreign notes every now and then as reserve.

So my suggestion today is a mid-term money-making scheme, but this advice will hopefully bear you more fruit later. I am going to detail what is happening with the Czech Koruna (CZK), and how you can profit from it.

The Czech Koruna has been pegged to the Euro, 27 crowns to 1 Euro, since 2013. Since then, the Czech national bank has had to repeatedly intervene to stop it from becoming too strong. The thing is, the economy is more buoyant in the Czech Republic than in other parts of Europe. The crown keeps trying to rise in value, but the central bank is keeping it down. I’ve seen it written that it will likely be forced to abandon the peg mid-2017.

Which coincides with triggering Article 50.

So, word to the wise, buy a bunch of Czech crowns and store them somewhere safe. When the drop happens, it’s bound to be substantial.

The Czech crown was at it’s most valuable in 2008, where it was about 23 to the Euro, 15 to the dollar, and 25 to the pound. If it rises while the pound plummets, which I strongly suspect with the noises from several European officials, then it could be worth substantially more.

Thanks for reading, safe travels.

Get Real, Idiots

Once more unto the breach, dear friends!

Okay, so I’m about done with politics. Here, though, is how Remain should have won the campaign – facts followed by the soundbite ‘Get Real, Idiots’. Example:

“We can negotiate trade deals with other countries outside the EU, Take Back Control!” “With 20 trade negotiators, at best estimate because that shit was dealt with by the EU, and with countries far bigger, occasionally richer, and often envious of our economy? I’m sure they would do us a real good deal! Get Real, Idiots.”

“Leave the EU bureacraxy behind, Take Back Control!” “Oh yeah, 40 years of EU involvement in our law-making, with a different legal system in Scotland and the rUK, will take one guy a week to undo? You guys sure know how to make new jobs! For bureaucrats and lawyers. Get Real, Idiots.”

“We will reduce immigration to reasonable levels, Take Back Control!” “Oh yeah, when France ends border control cooperation? Maybe if you sink the value of the pound, nobody will want to migrate! Great solutions, guys. Get Real, Idiots.”

“Get rid of a bunch of unelected officials in Brussels, Take Back Control!” “Replace them with the hundreds of unelected civil servants required to rework every law and the hundreds of trade negotiators we’ll need, all of them junior and walked all over by diplomats around the world? You guys are great at symmetry! Get Real, Idiots.”

“Regain sovereignty for Westminster, more money for the NHS, a BRITISH Bill of Human Rights, Take Back Control!” “Oh, so you want guys who want to privatise everything, gut the NHS, spy on you and your neighbours legally, destroy the BBC and all public services, and feather their family and their mate’s nests with whatever cash they can get away with, full control of your life? You guys are brilliant. Get Real, Idiots.”

Frankly, I think it’s flawless. I’d find this whole thing utterly hilarious if it didn’t have such an impact on people I love. They are going to end up with less employment protection, an uncertain economy for years, rising food prices, more hate crimes reported across the UK, and, in a supreme irony of a democratic referendum, an unelected Prime Minister come October.

Does my refrain sound any clearer?


Cutting Off One’s Nose

Lot of the title going around. So let’s look at this in the short, medium, and long term.

Loser One: Davey C. David Cameron, or Hameron (remember that hilaire gibe?), has resigned as PM of the U.K. Now, can’t say what the figures are for sure at this point, but it isn’t unreasonable to think his personal popularity may have been a factor. To anyone who voted on the basis of Cameron’s belief – I have a dirty secret for you. It feels wrong to even say it.

He isn’t even the worst Tory.

Not defending his legacy as I think it speaks for itself, shattering two unions in 6 years, one of which is 300+ and the other which has brought unparalleled peace in one of the most violent continents is no mean feat, but all things considered, is the guy who argued for cutting the deficit, no matter the hamfisted way he went about it, really as bad as the axemen who made the cuts? Is he worse than the bastards who wrote books where they explicitly state they want to tear apart one of the few good things remaining in the UK? Yes and no. He authorised the axemen. He knew what they were.

He also gave himself some neat plastic surgery. In order to not lose an election, he promised the referendum in the first place. He wrote his own demise. His enemies, however, have also now written the ascendancy of some right proper bastards.

Loser 2 – Scotland. This one is difficult to describe, it may bounce back. But can we just remember that the Scottish people voted to remain with the U.K. to stay in EU but now may be cast out of the EU by that same UK? There’s an irony which is pretty delightful and crushing at the same time. I’ll bet many who voted no 2 years ago are revaluating that choice right now. This may be a positive thing, but it will take a long time to surface – at least as long as the negotiations that the Tories want to prolong.

There is one certain way the EU can salvage Scotland even if Wales and England leave. If they can promise an automatic entry to the EU for an independent Scotland, unprecedented perhaps but we live in unprecedented times, then independence would walk it. It’d be a great negotiating tactic, too, on their part. No country would think about leaving the EU if it meant they might lose parts of themselves on the way out.

Loser 3 – Middle England. Have you ever known a person who everyone seems to tiptoe around and do everything to please, but who makes clearly bad decisions when it comes to choosing anything? That is Middle England.

Even though they tend to win elections, they always lose them. They vote in governments who cut child tax benefit, governments who hurt their economy, and now they have voted to leave a profitable Union on the basis of fake stats. They should know better. Since they call elections generally, they should be able to see that their actions have consequences.

It wasn’t all of them who ruined it yesterday, but I feel like some of them are that guy who only voted Leave because he didn’t think his vote mattered. In referenda, every vote matters. They are like the people who pushed ‘what is the EU?’ to number one on Google Trends yesterday, after the vote. They are the flappy headed claquers who always seem so keen to respond to their masters’ voice. It’s almost an art form how effectively they have voted for something they did not intend this time.

This time they have really done a number on themselves. They have gotten rid of Europeans’ urge to immigrate for jobs, by making the pound worthless and sucking all the energy out of the U.K. economy. They voted to take back control, which actually means to give the power to a slightly different bunch of privately educated millionaires than before, who will almost definitely go after the NHS. They voted to make their borders ‘more secure’ from refugees but, actually, unless we can have some pretty quick discussions with the French, they have probably just gutted the vetting process.

This is even not getting started on everything else they have done wrong. They have somehow managed to unite Irish Protestants and Irish Catholics, Scotland and the City of London, old enmities, together in a new, mutual hatred of the rest of the U.K. Several years down the line, a far less secure rump English state will probably enjoy a diminished position on the world stage, a land border with the EU via Scotland and the Republic of Ireland, and the possibility of their capital city going it alone as some kind of city state.

If there is one good thing to come of this, it is that middle England may be soon forced to confront their awful choices and I hope they are better for it.

In the meantime, maybe they better stop cutting things for spite as they only have so many removable appendages left.